Alison Becker's Blog

NEW SITE!

2010-07-14T19:04:00.000-07:00

I am pleased to launch my new website, alisonbecker.com

Please follow me there for blog updates, show info, online videos and all the answers to every question you've ever had.

Thank you!

SPAMMERS!

2010-03-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

My blog has recently become riddled with spam, so I am limiting the comments. My apologies to those of you who leave funny, insightful, supportive comments (or mean, selfish, critical comments) who are not machines in China generating useless links.

I'll fix this shit. In the meantime, follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/thealisonbecker

LOST!

2010-02-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

Read my 'Morning After' Review here!

My VO Reel

2010-01-30T13:32:00.000-08:00

Sometime people pay me to do voices, which is pretty much the best job ever.

My demo is posted here.

Indiglo Alternative Comedy Show!

2010-01-28T23:51:00.001-08:00

You're Welcome

2010-01-12T19:25:00.000-08:00

Unlike New York, Los Angeles is lacking in regular alternative comedy shows. There are a few, but there are not enough.

So, Judith Benezra and I are starting one.

Please save the date of our first monthly comedy show on January 31st at 9:30 pm.

INDIGLOW
An Alternative Comedy Show

Hosted by Judith Benezra and Alison Becker

This month, special guests:
Nick Kroll
Jason Nash
Daniel Franzese

At M Bar in Los Angeles.

We've also decided that each month, we will raise money for a different non-profit organization. This month we are shining the spotlight on the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. Here's a link for your review:
http://www.chla.org/site/c.ipINKTOAJsG/b.3579195/k.DEE8/Your_Support_Helps.htm

Mark your calendars now and more details to follow!

If you are a comedian or storyteller looking to be booked on our show, please email me at abecker99 (at) hotmail (dot) com. Please write INDIGLOW in the subject.

Thanks!

SHOW TONIGHT!

2010-01-09T16:08:00.001-08:00

I'm performing in Sketch Cram tonight at UCB in LA.

It's a super fun midnight show. Come on by!

Reservations/info here.

My Password is Not PASSWORD

2010-01-03T21:10:00.000-08:00

I'm the worst. It's been so long since I've blogged that I almost forgot my password. ALMOST.

I just got back from a month (off and on) in New York. It's amazing the perspective you get visiting a city that was home for so long.

New York is really so much of who I am as a person, and as a performer.

I'm sure survival in New York can seem like an unattainable thing to some people. Aside from the daunting task of paying your rent, it can be overwhelming to dive in to such a monstrous and frenetic scene and find your way.

But what I realized after years living there was that I wasn't searching for that way, I was helping to make it. Years of downtown improv comedy shows, hours writing sketch shows in whatever space we could find, indie films, volunteering, demonstrating, writing, performing, shooting, pranking, carrying my elderly neighbor's groceries.

Some people will tell you that the people who run New York own expensive companies and work in offices. And they're right, in a way. Because we sure as hell wanted them to notice us.

But when I think of New York, I don't think of moguls on conference calls. Because no matter how many Time Out New York shows they see, there's still something missing. Maybe they can spot talent, but if you've never had to steal bagels from a temp job just to have a meal for the next day, you don't quite have the same thing driving you.

My last few years in New York, I was fortunate enough to get TV work. Unfortunately, it left little time for live performing, and I missed it so much. The years I spent performing regularly in New York were invaluable and irreplaceable.

Because when it comes right down to the gritty ideas and the great experiments of life, nothing makes a New Yorker like a leaky basement theater under a supermarket.

Mayne Street!

2009-12-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

I like this episode because two of the actors are not actors. One is our awesome intern, Aaron. And another is director/producer Josh Shelov.
When we cut corners, we do it right.

Sammy's Impressions

2009-11-22T22:59:00.000-08:00

I can't remember if I've posted this video before, but this dude was so talented. I love watching this and getting inspired to perform.

Sudeikis and Forte - Guys, I Love This. Never Gets Old

2009-11-21T22:12:00.000-08:00

Who Told Kenny Who Brandon Flowers Is?

2009-11-17T15:02:00.001-08:00

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4660869&categoryid=4609424

Let's Try That Again.

2009-11-16T16:20:00.001-08:00

Is That Ben Stiller?

2009-11-12T14:37:00.001-08:00

90210

2009-11-12T12:03:00.001-08:00

Maddie

2009-11-11T13:58:00.001-08:00

Today is Maddie's birthday. She would have been two years old.

You can read all about her here.

Please donate to the March of Dimes in her memory.

You Love It.

2009-11-03T14:40:00.001-08:00

A Pic Good Enough for My Flickr, My Blog, AND My Twitter

2009-11-02T01:59:00.000-08:00

O man! I can't tell what I love most about this sign.

Is the the unnecessary quotation marks? ("Illegal" implies that it's actually legal.)

Or maybe it's the image that it conjures....of a horrible, unspeakable incident involving Silly String. Dear God, what HAPPENED last year?

Sad

2009-10-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

This is unbelievable.

It saddens me how people think they can treat animals. It saddens me that the people in this situation thought they were in the right. It saddens me that CNN reported that "it is unclear what caused the bear to attack."

Unclear?? Maybe it had something to do with the fact that the bear was taken from his natural habitat and forced to wear fucking ice skates.

Just a guess.

And also, HE'S A BEAR.

Plastic

2009-10-21T17:27:00.000-07:00

CNN said that Mattel is introducing new Barbie dolls.

"Grace, Kara and Trichelle were created to fill a void for young black girls who for so long have been playing with dolls that don't look like them."

Yeah, because when I look at the white Barbie, I think, "Wow! She looks JUST like me!"

Don't Let Mechanics Drive All Over You

2009-10-19T23:40:00.000-07:00

If you don't own a car, I love you.

But if you have to own a car, here are some tips on how not to get scammed by a mechanic.

1. Know your shit. (I took a one day class on basic car mechanics through a local community college. So now when I go to the mechanic, I still have no idea what's going on, but at least I can drop fancy terms ala Marisa Tomei in MCV.)

2. Research. If Danny McGreaser tells you that you need a new crank sensor, look up how much that should cost before committing to anything. Wikipedia, kids.

3. Ask for a discount. You'd be surprised what asking can do. Most places will offer at least 10% off with no hesitation.

4. Don't bring your man. Some girls think this makes them less likely to get taken advantage of. But no mechanic wants to be emasculated in front of another dude. And you WILL emasculate him.

5. Wear jeans. If you wear your slutty miniskirt, they won't take you seriously, and you'll get scammed even more.

6. Wear a push-up bra. I mean, c'mon, I'm not an idiot.

Me in a Funny or Die Vid: The Case of the Missing Belt Buckle

2009-10-06T11:18:00.001-07:00

The Ed Hardy Boyz: The Case of the Missing Sick Belt Buckle from Jon Daly

The Princess and the Eco-Pea

2009-10-05T14:17:00.000-07:00

Let's talk mattresses!

If you're looking to buy a new one, you should research the most eco-friendly options.

Firstly, do you need a new mattress? Even if your old one wasn't built from sustainable materials, keeping it may be less wasteful than buying a new, eco-friendly version.

But if you're absolutely ready for a new one, there are sustainable mattresses available. When I bought my new mattress, I visited a factory to see exactly how eco-friendly mattresses were made (I'm nuts; I know). I tried out quite a few, at varying levels of comfort and sustainability, but many that I tried were upwards of $2000, so I finally found a less expensive option.

For the same price as a traditional mattress, I bought a Keetsa mattress. They are free from the toxins, formaldehyde, and pesticides that are present in mainstream mattresses (Who wants to sleep on pesticides?), and their production has a minimal effect on the environment. They are reasonably priced, and they arrive at your door in about two days.

Plus, they are so so comfy!

So if you're looking for new sleeping digs, check them out:

www.keetsa.com

I LOVE YOU, NERDS!

2009-10-01T18:14:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Josh(ua) Treece! You nailed it.

My blog is back to normal.

Phew.

Help

2009-10-01T01:33:00.001-07:00

WTF? I picked a new template and it moved my sidebar to the bottom of the page. HELP ME, NERDS!!!!

Quake

2009-09-30T14:17:00.000-07:00

I'm not a fan of fear mongering, but this scares the crap out of me.

The Subtitle Is About the News Story, Not About Me

2009-09-28T01:24:00.001-07:00

Goodbye, Willie

2009-09-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

William Safire died today.

The CNN.com headline that revealed this news to me prompted a heartfelt, audible gasp.

William Safire's regular contributions to The New York Times Magazine's "On Language" section were always a treat for someone interested in language, grammar, etymology, or the general progression of cultural phenomena.

What's strange, however, is that the Cnn.com article made only a brief mention of that widely popular language column. Instead, it focused on Safire the way may parents' generation might remember him: for his speechwriting for Nixon, his criticism of Hillary Clinton, and his political contributions in the 70s.

But I think my generation knows Safire differently. He was a conservative, yes, but I think if you asked any well-read 20-something or 30-something about William Safire, they would know him as "that dude who writes that column on language and stuff." (Except they would, of course, say it more eloquently).

Safire's unique, intelligent, and stimulating observations on the English language examined etymology in the most immediate sense - as it was happening. It's a shame that the Cnn.com article made such little mention of Safire's most scholarly - and nonpolitical - contributions.

This Allison Becker is So Much Cooler Than I Am

2009-09-26T15:20:00.001-07:00

Roll Over

2009-09-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

Maybe my brother thinks his son is a dog.

I Already Hate Myself

2009-09-25T11:57:00.000-07:00

http://twitter.com/thealisonbecker

Yay, for Energy Conservation!

2009-09-25T00:55:00.000-07:00

Watching Megan Fox on Fallon right now.

She just said, "'Cause I, like, ya know, keep all the lights on all the time."

Thanks, Megan.

Eco-Emmys

2009-09-25T00:38:00.000-07:00

In the midst of Emmy week, there was at least one event with an eye on Eco-goodness.

I was lucky enough to go to the Eco-Emmys last week, and I was happy as pie in a flotilla of eco-minded friends.

I chatted with the owner of RC Green about sustainable countertops (guys, consider quartz instead of granite!), the people from LifeSource about eco-friendly home water filtration (old school water softeners leave too much salt waste!), and, of course, I got my eyebrows threaded by Marco Ochoa (even eco-girls gotta look good!)

We do what we can in our everyday lives, but when companies who create products for hundreds - or thousands - of consumers take the initiative to create eco-friendly products, it's pretty awesome. Plus, they're smart, because archaic, wasteful products are only becoming more and more outdated.

Thanks to the Eco-Emmys for having me. It was a super fun event. And I will take 20 more of those vegan chocolate cupcakes from Luscious, please.

"Hot chick from the newspaper"

2009-09-25T00:34:00.000-07:00

My character on Parks and Rec was referenced in tonight's episode.

Does that mean I get residuals?

Please?

Best Heckler Ever

2009-09-25T00:27:00.000-07:00

Looks Like Carl Weathers Needs to Add More Pics to His Google Image Search Results

2009-09-23T15:13:00.001-07:00

Is this the only one they could find?

Thanks for passing on, JT.

Girls Are Funny, Especially Drunk

2009-09-22T02:55:00.000-07:00

Why does this Drunk History have so many fewer views than the other ones? It is by far the funniest one.

For the Kids

2009-09-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

I'm hosting CAREOKE for the Kids again at Irving Plaza to raise money for the Valerie Fund. It's TONIGHT (Thursday) in NYC. For tickets, please email me at abecker99 (at) hotmail, and I'll put you in touch with the right peeps.

Thanks!

Trailer for an Improv Movie That I'm In!

2009-09-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

Starring (among others) Horatio Sanz, Rob Riggle, Owen Burke, John Gemberling, Matt Walsh, Jack Helmuth, Jackie Clarke, Rob Huebel, Bret Gelman, and more.

Better Than a Cosmo Quiz

2009-09-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

Yay!

Michael Vick is Scum

2009-09-02T16:53:00.000-07:00

The Philadelphia Eagles made an irresponsible decision. Michael Vick's torture of animals should not be excused. Please join the boycott of Eagles games and merchandise.

OMG!

2009-08-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

I think MJ has possessed Debra Messing!

The Devil

2009-08-28T18:49:00.000-07:00

Guys!

It's effing hot out. Drink some water.

If you don't, you'll wind up fucking up an otherwise hilarious scene that you're shooting because your body temperature will suddenly sky rocket, your vision will go blurry, your hearing will sound weird, and you will have to get on all fours to prevent yourself from passing out. This happened to me today. Kinda scary. Not fun.

Skipping breakfast was probably not a good idea, either.
But how else am I supposed to stay skinny???

Shut Your Mouths, Ladies

2009-08-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

If you bitched too much in the 40's, they cut out your brain.

With the death of Ted Kennedy, I've been reading about the Kennedy family history online. For some reason, I am fascinated and horrified by the archaic medical procedures that lived in our country's history...leeches, lobotomies, phrenology, hypnosis, etc. I could read stories for days about young women who were subjected to shocks, magnets, or exorcisms. It intrigues, fascinates, and frustrates me how many of these women today would perhpas be seen as artists or geniuses. Or at the very least, they would be helped with therapy, and perhaps pharmaceuticals.

In any case, there's some crazy shit that used to go down.

Here's an excerpt of the Wikipedia article on Rosemary Kennedy, one of the sisters of the Kennedy clan. (There were, in all, nine siblings).

"In 1941, when Rosemary Kennedy was 23, her father was told by her doctors that a cutting edge procedure would help calm her "mood swings that the family found difficult to handle at home". Her father, Joe Kennedy, gave permission for the procedure to be performed...The procedure in question was a lobotomy.
At the time, only sixty-five lobotomies had been performed. The procedure was described as follows:
"We went through the top of the head, I [Dr. Watts] think she was awake. She had a mild tranquilizer. I made a surgical incision in the brain through the skull. It was near the front. It was on both sides. We just made a small incision, no more than an inch." The instrument Dr. Watts used looked like a butter knife. He swung it up and down to cut brain tissue. "We put an instrument inside," he said. As Dr. Watts cut, Dr. Freeman put questions to Rosemary. For example, he asked her to recite the Lord's Prayer or sing "God Bless America" or count backwards. ... "We made an estimate on how far to cut based on how she responded." ... When she began to become incoherent, they stopped.
Instead of producing the hoped-for result, however, the lobotomy reduced Rosemary to an infantile mentality that left her incontinent and staring blankly at walls for hours. Her verbal skills were reduced to unintelligible babble. Her mother remarked that although the lobotomy stopped her daughter's violent behavior, it left her completely incapacitated.

And Now, A Dramatic Reading From Section 1233 of H.R. 3200

2009-08-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

‘‘Advance Care Planning Consultation
‘‘(hhh)(1) Subject to paragraphs (3) and (4), the
term ‘advance care planning consultation’ means a con-
sultation between the individual and a practitioner de-
scribed in paragraph (2) regarding advance care planning,
if, subject to paragraph (3), the individual involved has
not had such a consultation within the last 5 years. Such
consultation shall include the following:
‘‘(A) An explanation by the practitioner of ad-
vance care planning, including key questions and
considerations, important steps, and suggested peo-
ple to talk to.
‘‘(B) An explanation by the practitioner of ad-
vance directives, including living wills and durable
powers of attorney, and their uses.
‘‘(C) An explanation by the practitioner of the
role and responsibilities of a health care proxy.
‘‘(D) The provision by the practitioner of a list
of national and State-specific resources to assist con-
sumers and their families with advance care plan-
ning, including the national toll-free hotline, the ad-
vance care planning clearinghouses, and State legal
service organizations (including those funded
through the Older Americans Act of 1965).
‘‘(E) An explanation by the practitioner of the
continuum of end-of-life services and supports avail-
able, including palliative care and hospice, and bene-
fits for such services and supports that are available
under this title.

Hard Times for Champions

2009-08-24T21:14:00.001-07:00

People Make Buttons Out of My Face

2009-08-20T01:22:00.001-07:00

NBD.

You Want to Have Sex with My Friend Dave

2009-08-19T14:47:00.001-07:00

It's ok. A lot of people do.

Dave Navarro is having me on his radio show again as a guest. Listen here from 10pm to midnight PST. We'll talk about politics, love, and you. Call in!

Kimmel

2009-08-18T12:33:00.000-07:00

Kenny, Jimmy and I will make a comedy explosion onto your face. AND YOU WILL LIKE IT.

Literary Death Match

2009-08-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

Do you love literary readings, but hate standing in a crowded Barnes and Noble next to a guy who smells like feet?

Then check out the Literary Death Match. Smart, funny writer types compete in an all out battle!

The next one is tomorrow night here in LA. And I'll be a judge! For more info, and to buy tickets, go here.

I promise to be nice and loopy, too, from sleep deprivation. I've been super busy this week shooting a pilot for Comedy Central called Midwest Teen Sex Show, based on the super popular web shorts. Yay for sex and comedy!

Grammar

2009-08-09T19:13:00.000-07:00

I hope these teachers are not teaching how to form the possessive of Los Angeles.

Wrap

2009-08-07T00:05:00.000-07:00

We just wrapped on this stretch of Mayne Street episodes. It was an amazing time, as usual. Everyone who works on this project is a top notch person. For real.

I can't wait until the new episodes are online so we can all get our comedy hard-ons.

In the meantime, here's a pic of me, Kenny, Ben and Aubrey.

He Did It!

2009-08-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

So psyched that these girls are home. Way to go, Clinton!

Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

2009-08-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

It's 11:29pm here in California. Phew! I just made it.....Happy Birthday!

I was out shooting Mayne Street.

That's right; we're doing a round of episodes from here in LA. You will love them. PROMISE.

The Management

2009-08-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

You guys know how I feel about Hummers (the vehicles, not the blowjobs).

My latest personal amusement is leaving notes on theses energy-suckers in parking garages when they are parked in the compact car spots. You know - the spaces that clearly say COMPACT on them.

I leave an official looking note from "The Management" telling them that they will be cited if seen parking again in a spot meant for small cars.

I'm sure they just toss it, but maybe I should disguise it as an Ed Hardy coupon, a free shitty techno CD, or a complimentary ticket to a strip club. That'll get their attention.

False Pretenses

2009-08-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

Dear New Citizens,

Welcome to the US of A!

I've got some bad news. Swearing you in at Disney World may have given you a false illusion of our country. Turns out, our streets are much dirtier, there are no giant talking mice who wear white gloves, and our President is not animatronic.

Spaceships do not fly on indoor roller coasters, Cinderella does not live in a castle, and ice cream vendors do no sing or dance.

However, the overweight people waiting to buy the ice cream? The ones who cut in line and are talking too loud on their cellphones? The ones who have their kids on leashes? That's a pretty accurate depiction.

Welcome!

Feed The Tape

2009-07-31T12:06:00.001-07:00

Compost

2009-07-31T00:28:00.001-07:00

Pet Lawyer? Or Pet Dildo?

2009-07-27T16:25:00.001-07:00

Huh?

2009-07-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

But drivers UNDER 18 can text and talk and Facebook and email while driving?

Liquid DoucheBag!

2009-07-07T23:41:00.001-07:00

Too Soon, Tree! TOO SOON

2009-07-07T12:44:00.001-07:00

Bummer. I did not find a child in this dryer.

2009-07-06T17:31:00.000-07:00

One thing I absolutely love about LA is having a washer and dryer in my apartment. I try not to overuse them, for the environment's sake, but after 8 years of shared machines in New York, it sure is nifty to be able to wash my sheets wearing underwear and slippers. Back in New York City, you only have a washer and dryer in your apartment if you're rich. Or, if you're sleeping with someone rich.

But I had to hit the coin laundry place today to wash a large rug that doesn't fit in the home machines (and fuck if I'm paying someone $50 when I can do it myself for 12 quarters).

I saw this sign on the dryer and crossed my fingers for a shiny new pet.

MJ

2009-06-29T01:23:00.000-07:00

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Where We Were..

2009-06-25T15:47:00.000-07:00

....when we learned that Michael Jackson died.

Me? In a Starbucks on Beverly Boulevard in LA.

So sad. My first crush. For real.

Bad idea

2009-06-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

If you're great with computers, get a vanity plate that says "PC WIZ." If you're great with Math, get "MATHWIZ." But if you're great with dogs, maybe "WOOF" is your best bet.

Noon Madness

2009-06-21T18:22:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, one of my favorite movies was Midnight Madness. It was a about a crazy scavenger hunt. Since then, I have loved scavenger hunts and large scale games.

My senior year of college, my friend and I competed in a scavenger hunt that took place throughout the campus of Georgetown. The way to acquire the highest amount of points was to get a near-impossible photo taken with Westy Bird (a local politician who - for some reason or another - had some bad blood with Georgetown students). We did one better. We actually BROUGHT Westy Bird with us to the finish line. It was awesome. (Two notes about this - 1. Westy turned out to be a nice lady. And 2. Geiger, if you're reading this, you still owe me one of those round trip airline tickets that we won. You son of a bitch.)

In any case, I'm a sucker for a good game.

This past New Year's, I went to Miami with a group of friends for a fun party. The following day, we were hungover and had no plans, so I suggested throwing together a scavenger hunt. Next thing we knew, boys were walking through the hotel lobby in bikinis, penthouses occupied by strangers were being visited, and pies were being thrown in people's faces, all for the sake of Victory.

This weekend, I asked some friends to participate in LARF, a large scale competitive game that takes you through the city of Los Angeles - on foot - in a fast-paced race of speed and smarts. It was SO FUN. We cracked codes, got clues from strangers, and had such an amazing time. If you are visiting LA, or if you live here, I highly recommend trying this out!

And yes, we won. We also set a new record. NBD.

Zicam't?

2009-06-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

Noooooo!

The FDA announced that consumers should stop using one of my favorite products, the over-the-counter cold remedy Zicam, because it can cause a loss of smell in some people.

Guess who's a little skeptical?

Me.

I've used Zicam every time I've started to notice a cold coming on. And every time, it has made the cold go away within a day or two. As for this chick, she doesn't seem to be too informed on how to even use the product. You're not supposed to swab "a few times." With homeopathic remedies, you must treat early and regularly. You're also not supposed to shove it up your nasal cavity. You're supposed to just touch it to the slightest inner part of your nose. Read the directions.

While we must be VERY wary of herbal remedies (because they are not regulated), this particular "scare" reeks of interference from some big pharmaceutical companies who were probably losing money on the chemical-rich "remedies" they are manufacturing.

Of course, maybe they can't smell the rat. But I could. And I use Zicam!

Have you guys used it? Have you had any bad side effects? Let's discuss.

Mayne Street, Behind the Scenes

2009-06-10T13:16:00.000-07:00

Yep, they let us keep the flip cameras.

HD.

No biggie.

Incorrect

2009-06-09T17:38:00.000-07:00

This sign makes no sense. The word "notorious" means that something (or someone) is famous or well known. Therefore, you cannot "introduce" something to the public when it is already "notorious."

Mayne Street Season Two Premieres Today!

2009-06-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

Unlike comedy websites that show funny videos, ESPN is like the 80th most visited website in the entire world (pretty impressive), and Mayne Street is on the HOME PAGE. So thanks to all the frat boys for the traffic. We love you!

(And yes, that is Alex at 1:51).

I Took This Quote Directly From CNN.com Today

2009-06-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

Cut and pasted:

"Nutritionists say a set of awesome abs takes more than just doing sit-ups. "New research shows that what you are eating may be just as important as your workout," says Katherine Tallmadge, author of "Diet Simple" and a spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association."

REALLY??? NEW research shows that you need to eat healthy to be in shape? NEW RESEARCH? What the fuck did the old research say?

ROOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE!

2009-06-08T15:29:00.001-07:00

Big Day

2009-06-08T14:47:00.000-07:00

The second season of the Emmy-nominated webseries Mayne Street premieres tomorrow, June 9th!

That's also the day that Kenny gets his ankle surgery, so make sure you Twitter him - or whatever you kids do - and wish him luck.

Was I supposed to tell everyone that he's getting surgery? Maybe that's a bad idea. But I'll only suffer the consequences if Kenny has a Google alert set up for himself.

Alcohol! Number One! Drug Killer Troublemaker!

2009-05-30T18:29:00.001-07:00

Evidently, alcohol also renders you incapable of composing real sentences.

Two Recommendations

2009-05-27T17:54:00.001-07:00

1 - If you're in LA, you must check out Point Break Live! If you've never seen the movie Point Break, stop reading this and go hit yourself in the face 300 times. Because you're an idiot.

If you HAVE seen the movie Point Break, check out this show. It's exactly what you think it is....the movie Point Break, but live. In an homage to Keanu's unparalleled acting skills, Johnny Utah is portrayed by a different audience member every night.

I went with 10 of my friends last Friday, and to our surprise, Gary Busey was attending that same evening. He shot us all with a super soaker as we laughed, but also silently feared that he might snap, and start throwing live grenades into our beers.

2- Unrelated, but if you can still find the movie Obsessed in theaters, do not miss out. It will knock your socks off. I shamelessly enjoy this genre of movies: bad thrillers aimed at a female audience. (Hand that Rocks the Cradle, Sleeping with the Enemy, Red Eye, etc). The cinematic formula of the lady-thriller does not disappoint. Awful, and awesome, all at once.

Seriously, guys. Obsessed? Total awesomeness.

I was worried that the irony would fly right over the heads of Los Angeles movie goers, but after the first giggle from the audience, we all knew we were on board.

Flawless.

Advice

2009-05-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

Joan Rivers is one of the nicest people to work with. She's professional, generous and hilarious. Here are three things she once told me that stuck with me:

"You'll do fine. You're a woman in comedy."

"It's lonely on the road. That's different for a man."

"The smartest thing I ever did was wait until I hit to get married."

After that last one, she gave me a box of this.

Road Trip

2009-05-19T15:39:00.001-07:00

Last week I drove across the country. I'm not one for cars in general, but since I bought my very first car THIS YEAR, I figured my carbon footprint has been small enough to warrant me enough credits to take a road trip or two.

And it was so fun! We saw the Natural Bridge in Virginia, line danced in Nashville, went to Graceland, saw an old friend in Santa Fe, walked into the Grand Canyon, stopped along historic Route 66, and ate lots and lots of unhealthy food. We even visited Harley and Annabelle in Oklahoma, who offered us a beer, gave us life advice, and asked us to take a photo with them in their bed.

If you're planning on doing the trip anytime, I highly recommend www.roadsideamerica.com
Whenever you're in the mood to see something random, just type in the town you're in, and a few options will come up. Unlike a lot of other sites (ahem, Blogspot), this one is flawless on a Blackberry.

Overall, it was an awesome time.
Here's a convo from our trip:

Me: The news said there's a tornado warning in effect.

Alex: I'm sure there's not going to be a tornado.

Me: But look how windy it is!

Alex: Don't worry. There's NOT going to be a tornado.

Me: Are you sure?

Alex: Yes.

(pause)

Alex: Oh shit.

Me: What?

Alex: A Tornado Chaser van just pulled up next to us.

Earthquaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!

2009-05-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

I always wondered where I'd be during my first earthquake. When I moved to LA, I inspected my new apartment to keep tabs on any pictures, frames, or vases that could possibly fall and hurt Dignan. I pictured it happening in the middle of the night, waking me up with confusion and fear.

I openly hoped it'd be a little one, so I would know that my dog would be safe.
I secretly hoped it'd be a big one, so people would get scared, leave California, and I could buy a house in Los Feliz immediately after for dirt cheap.

Yesterday, I was at my friend Juliet's house after we got back from a super fun barbeque in Venice. We were watching a rerun of Top Model and reading one of those books that tells you about the type of person you are based on your birthday (I'm a "nonconformist").

All of a sudden, the window started to shake. At first, I thought a garbage truck was driving by. My friend jumped up and yelled, "Oh my God!" I thought maybe she had dropped her phone, or realized that she had forgotten to mail her rent check. But, by the time she said "Oh My God" again the sound had gotten really loud, and I realized "THAT IS NOT A GARBAGE TRUCK. HOLY SHIT. THIS IS A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE."

What was funny was how Juliet and I reacted in the same way. We both kept saying "Oh My God" as we slowly walked towards each other, clasped hands, walked to a doorway, and sat on the floor. All the while looking at each other, half freaking out, and half laughing.

I was so glad I was with a friend at that moment. It was a straight up 5.0. Not devastating at all, but substantial enough for a first timer. And honestly, kind of fun.

Wowsers. Welcome to LA!

Tell me about your first time....

My Secret

2009-05-07T22:39:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I own a book called "SAT Math." I did not own it in high school. This is something I bought recently.

When I'm alone, I read it and remember how much I used to like right triangles and line segments.

I feel guilty and ashamed, and I just had to tell someone.

Dignan Stole My Camera And Made A Ransom Video For My Friend

2009-05-07T22:07:00.000-07:00

Nice to Meet You. My Name is Dr. Giggles.

2009-05-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

Super fun.

In Case You Were Too Lazy to Watch the Whole Thing, Here's a Recap

2009-05-06T16:16:00.000-07:00

Dom

2009-05-06T02:37:00.001-07:00

Sad.

Eddie Van Halen and Mark Slaughter

2009-05-04T18:33:00.001-07:00

My friend just sent me this convo she had at the grocery store. She was wearing a Bon Jovi shirt:

Cashier: Wow, Bon Jovi

Me: Yeah

Cashier: I had a friend who loved the guy from that band... what was his name?...

Me: Richie Sambora?

Cashier: No ... um..........................................................

Me: Jon Bon Jovi?

Cashier: Yes! That's his name!

Me: (blank stare)

Yeah! YEAH! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

2009-05-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

What the Fuck is Going On?

2009-05-03T02:21:00.001-07:00

I thought this was a joke when I saw it.

It is not.

Jerry O'Connell, do you need to borrow some money, bro?

FEAR!

2009-05-01T12:41:00.000-07:00

Just to clarify, your chances of getting the Swine Flu are currently about 1 in 2,220,119. Also, every American who has gotten it has lived.

BUT MAKE SURE YOU PANIC!!!!!!

Mayne Man

2009-05-01T00:24:00.001-07:00

Guys! For those of you who care, we are shooting a second "season" of the Emmy-nominated (for real) ESPN web series, Mayne Street. I think they're going to be rolled out at the end of this month.

I'm psyched with the response from this show. I can't believe how many people have come up to me on the street and said how much they love this web series!

Thanks so much for watching!

Check out old Mayne Streets here.

(This shameless promotion has nothing to do with the fact that ESPN just gave the whole cast free HD Flip Cameras. Well, maybe a little.....)

3-D

2009-04-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

I love this photo. But I'm pretty sure he's not watching "My Bloody Valentine: 3-D"

ReDo

2009-04-27T02:41:00.000-07:00

I looked it up, and that last post should have read "thumbs down," not "thumb's down," at least according to the Dictionary application on my Mac.

I'm reposting rather than editing because I thought you guys should know. That's weird, right? I would have thought it was "thumb's down," as in "thumb is down" or even "the down of the thumb."

But, what do I know? It's 3am and I've been on a plane for 6 hours. Me sleepy.

Continental Airlines Is the Worst Airline to Fly When You Are Traveling with a Pet. They Really Need to Get Their Shit Together.

2009-04-27T02:38:00.001-07:00

Post title says it all.

Dignan gives Continental a big thumb's down.

Except he doesn't have thumbs.

Do It.

2009-04-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

Watch me on Parks and Recreation TONIGHT!

8:30 on NBC.

PS

2009-04-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

Photo from after Dark Matter last night.

Now, let's discuss Twitter. Yay, or nay? Please share.

Gracias

2009-04-16T01:09:00.000-07:00

Thanks so much to Dave, Todd, and Jess for having me on their radio show, Dark Matter. We talked about love, tea parties, politics, and gay people.

Super fun.

Thanks, Dave, and thanks to everyone who listened!

Parks and Recreation

2009-04-15T20:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry, dudes. Looks like they pushed my episode back a week, so I won't be on tomorrow.

You'll have to wait 7 more days!

One More Thing

2009-04-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

Read what Heather says about her wonderful little girl.

And also, here's a little taste of Maddie for you:

The Tribute to Our Madeline from Mike and Heather on Vimeo.

Now, head on over to MarchofDimes.com.

Maddie

2009-04-15T19:16:00.000-07:00

Considering the awesomeness of my friend Heather, it doesn't surprise me that she received so much attention blogging about her beautiful little girl Maddie.

Nor does it surprise me the amount of press (like this ) her story has received since Maddie's passing.

Maddie's memory has been honored by so many who loved her (and so many who never even knew her) through donations to the March of Dimes.

You can donate here.

And here is some more coverage of their story:

The Washington Post
Huffington Post
KTLA

Listen Up

2009-04-14T00:31:00.001-07:00

My friend Dave Navarro has a radio show. This Wednesday evening, I will be a guest on his program.

Listen here Wednesday from 10pm-12am, or I'll have him beat you up.

Residual Paparazzi

2009-04-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sure this paparazzi shot was targeting Amy, but I will gladly take the residual stalkering.

Perhaps I would get stalkers of my own if I stopped wearing a GIANT ugly coat between takes.

What do you want from me? It was cold out.