Saturday, August 1, 2009

False Pretenses



Dear New Citizens,

Welcome to the US of A!

I've got some bad news. Swearing you in at Disney World may have given you a false illusion of our country. Turns out, our streets are much dirtier, there are no giant talking mice who wear white gloves, and our President is not animatronic.

Spaceships do not fly on indoor roller coasters, Cinderella does not live in a castle, and ice cream vendors do no sing or dance.

However, the overweight people waiting to buy the ice cream? The ones who cut in line and are talking too loud on their cellphones? The ones who have their kids on leashes? That's a pretty accurate depiction.

Welcome!

4 comments:

Marc said...

The next swearing in should take place at Walmart. Obese, hateful, rude, and disgusting Americans at their best with their screaming bastard children destroying the place.

Oh, I almost forgot.... and this would be a wonderful place for the newly sworn Americans to learn the language more swiftly than a Rosetta Stone Bootcamp... guaranteed to learn every curse word and and learn how to raise an American child!!!

Peter said...

I just got back from Dollywood - that'd be a pretty accurate intro as well....

Anonymous said...

It was extremely interesting for me to read that article. Thanks for it. I like such themes and anything that is connected to them. I would like to read a bit more soon.

Anonymous said...

Keep on posting such themes. I like to read blogs like this. BTW add some pics :)