Friday, July 25, 2008

Pundit

Yup. That's me, making funnies about tv shows on CNN's "Showbiz Tonight."

Gossip Girl is the one with the blonde alien teenager who can stop time with her index fingers, right?

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Dog Not Included

I have come to terms with the fact that my dog and I were in a fashion show, since it was all to raise money for The Humane Society.

And now, you can bid on this dress.

It's a Rebecca Taylor piece, worth at least six times the opening bid. What a deal!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Another Open Letter to the SureType/T9 Function on My Blackberry

Dear SureType/T9 Function,

I'm sorry.

In reference to the last letter I sent you, I realize that I spoke - or rather, wrote - too hastily.

Today I was responding to a friend's email, and when I tried to input the ubiquitous word "fucking," you, as always, offered alternate suggestions. In the past, I have mocked your "ducking" suggestion, dismissing it as uninformed and useless.

And, I'm sorry. Because today you made a suggestion that is so brilliant, I'd like to retract my previous complaints.

Here it is:

DICKING.

What a great word! When used in moments of frustration or mild anger, it takes the place of "fucking" in such an unexpected yet appropriate way. Notice:

"That dicking club kid is the worst."
"I hate my dicking job."
"That dicking girl needs to realize that the world does not revolve around her."

T9, you are a wordsmith! You are a visionary!

If I were one of those suckers who read the The Tipping Point a few years ago, I'm sure I'd call you something like a connector or a maven.

In any case, I'm sorry I doubted you.

You're the dicking best.

Love,
Alison

Friday, July 11, 2008

Thank You, Mac, for Putting All the A-Holes in New York City in the Same Spot


Guess what idiot thought today would be a good day to pick up her repaired MacBook from the Apple store?

Me, that's who.

I have never seen such a collection of admitted scenesters in my life. I mean, the iphone is nifty and all, but do you really need to wait in line for FOUR HOURS just to be one of the first to have it? Just to show off to your friends tonight?

Just wait a day or two and there won't be a line!

Let's do everyone a favor: If someone shows you their new iphone today, please laugh laugh laugh.

And then drop it in the closest full pint of beer.