From San Diego: Keep America Beautiful

Great idea.
Let's start by getting rid of these UGLY. FUCKING. TRASH CANS.

My Name is Will Smith. Have You Seen My New Film?

He Has to Go in a Minute

College Humor has more than just boobies!

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1820882

It Figures

I was in Barnes and Noble today buying a birthday present. I wanted to get my friend this great book I had heard about. But when I looked it up on the fancy computer in the store, I was surprised to find out that it could be found in the "Self Improvement" section. Since I'm not one for "self help" books, I didn't even know where this section was.

CLERK: Can I help you find something?

ME: Yes. Where is the Self Improvement section?

CLERK. Downstairs. In the basement.

ME: That's hilarious.

CLERK: Yeah, and it's the back corner, too.

Remember When I Did This?

A few years ago, I got into a sound studio with Paul Scheer and Jackie Clarke and we improvised this scene. Then it was animated!

Well, I just got great news that an animated pilot I worked on - with the same creators - was picked up for 20 episodes! It will be coming to Nick at Nite. Hooray! More info to follow.

"Bad Ass Dolls of Comedy" Show!

Come see me do stand-up!

Monday, June 23rd at 8pm.

Stand Up New York, 236 West 78th Street.

Reservations 212-595-0850.

This blog post contains nothing but information! Hooray!

Pretentiousness Is Expensive

I went to an art show today and made my first real art purchase.

After drinking the free wine, I somehow thought I could afford it.

But what I really learned today is this: Never discuss art in public.

Every person I walked by - even if they had something valid to say about a piece - sounded like a pretentious asshole.

It is simply impossible to sound cool, colloquial, casual, intelligent, substantial, eloquent, and/or not at all annoying when forcing your views on an inanimate object out loud and in public.

That's why art is so expensive: so you can bring it home and do that in the privacy of your own home, without making a fool out of yourself.

No Pressure

I just wrapped my last day on the first season of "Z Rock." It's the highly anticipated new show for IFC.

And "highly anticipated" is a completely warranted description because guess what? The network just pushed the premiere up TWO WEEKS EARLIER!

Some cameos include Joan Rivers, Dave Navarro, Dave Attell, and Sebastian Bach. I had such an amazing time working on this improvised comedy.

"Z Rock" will now premiere on August 24th! Set your tivos!

Bringing It Back

With record-breaking heat engulfing our city, I've been trying to bring back the parasol.

But since no one else uses them in New York, I've realized that I just look like a crazy person who thinks it's raining.

In 1944.

Hummmmmmmmmers

My friend Sean
told me some great news.

I love when society acts like a Darwin-esque species, and even idiots have to evolve out of necessity.

Now if we can just eliminate emoticons, we're all set.

Plug

I rarely plug my Vh1 show, but try to catch the last airing of this week's episode (tomorrow at 8am). I did the show with Bret Michaels, and we had a great time. I even got to go onstage during his concert and yell, "WHAT'S UP BILOXI???!!!!!"

Also, if you're ever in Mississippi (which you probably won't be), you should definitely have Chuck Kelly do your hair.

He's honestly better than anyone at any of the New York salons.

At hair, that is...