Thursday, September 27, 2007

Pet Peeve

I hate emoticons.

I am shocked at how many of my seemingly smart/cool/funny friends use them. Using an emoticon (or, the equally ridonkulous "LOL") is basically like saying:

"Hey, idiot, in case you didn't realize it, the sentence I just typed is a joke!"

Oh, really??

Thanks, asshole.

But guess what?
I GET IT.

And also, it wasn't funny.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

A Few Of My New Favorite Things That I Wish I Thought of First

Blister Block. You know those perfect bitches whose feet never get blisters even after a day of flip-flopping through SoHo? Turns out they are not androids. They have just been using this.

A Place Between Us. This is a basically the online version of how my New York brain looks when people ask me "Where should we meet?"

I know that this has been around for awhile, but I just joined, and it's been great for commitment-phobes like me who can't commit to more than a short trip, or to the boys with whom they are traveling. Plus, they have hybrids!

You're welcome.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Dear Dude Who Stole the Back Wheel Off of My Locked-Up Bike

I FUCKED YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT!!!!!


Damn it. That doesn't really have the same effect coming from a girl, does it?

Um. Please bring my wheel back?.....please?

Monday, September 10, 2007

Adoption

Let's say I want to adopt a dolphin for my friend's birthday.
But, I adopt it in her name.

Who does the dolphin call Mom?

Sunday, September 9, 2007